The newest profession

As of late I have been deeply contemplating my future. In all honestly it looks grim- no matter what I do!

I used to want to be a lawyer. It seems like a stable, conflict intensive way to good ol’ cash. But, that’s not so true anymore. The glamorous highly paid lawyer has rapidly become a fiction. Scarier still, the doctor is a profession that has rapidly (de)volved as of late. Nurse practitioners and a changing health care system may eradicate the doctor of five years ago. The only people that seem safe are on wall street (I like my soul thanks), or are self-employed. I don’t have any brilliant entrepreneurial inspirations, and frankly I don’t think I have the cajones for that.

So what to do? …

PORN.

That’s right. Listen to this: The pornography industry has larger revenues than Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo, Apple and Netflix combined. There are a lot of sick fucks out there! Instead of giving the typical Christian schpeel and complaining about how the world is going to hell in a handbasket, I’m going to capitalize on it!

But how?!

I could be a star. I know, I know I don’t have fake boobs or bleach blonde hair. But those of you saying that have clearly not watched enough porn. Porn stars come in all shapes, sizes, ethnicities, genders, deformities and species. To quote a young star (yes I watch HBO documentaries on this shiz) ‘All it takes to be a porn star is a bottle of lube and a smile’. Females make good money on movies -$1,000 and up per day!

But, as much as I love sex I don’t know if I could make a living getting fucked by strangers all day with Herpes out the wazoo…literally…

I’m just a tad too vanilla and have a boyfriend that would probably object.

I could produce, or film! Imagine it – Whore-nell University.  I could recruit from the most desperate attention sluts here! And all the sexually frustrated guys would pay ME to be in these films.

Or, my favorite option – writing! I could write erotic stories for all the female sick fucks out there. Personally, I have a soft spot for fan fiction. Which twilight fan among us DOESN’T rub their record every night imagining Edward and Bella (or Jacob? […or all three???!] ).

Hmm maybe I underestimated my entrepreneurial juices. I’ll keep you posted.

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