Hopsy Goodness

I’ve never understood why wine is the drink of sophisticated, cultured, worldly individuals and beer is the down-home, philistine choice.

In the alcohol family, wine is the weathy aunt wearing a monocle who listens to Beethoven music, who goes to the theahtah on weekends, and who ‘summers’ at Martha’s Vineyard.

Beer is the patriotic deadbeat redneck dad who beats his wife, drives a tractor and watches NASCAR.

I suppose that makes Malt liquor the retarded cousin who works at the local grocer’s shop and always puts heavy items such as milk and grapefruit on top of the damn eggs hopelessly crushing them into an orange mucilaginous glob which proceeds to engulf  your whole bag of groceries and leak out onto the leather seats of your car which in time breeds an odious vomiting inducing aroma in your beloved, red, Maserati.

The two former stereotypes are completely unfair. I guarantee you I could pair beers with a fine meal to fantastic effect. With my pairings you would never need to bullshit to extreme levels about how the chestnut aroma, and notes of Cinnamon in the Riesling counterbalance the saltiness of your Pavé de Thon Grillé.

Beer is better than wine for many reasons.

  • First and foremost I prefer it, so everyone should.
  • Beer came before wine and is therefore superior to wine via ‘I was here first’ logic.
  • Beer has a lower alcohol content than wine, which means you can guzzle more of it without getting wasted of your sorry ass. It also means that drinking 11 beers will leave you less hungover than if you had drunk 11 glasses of wine, because beer hydrates you more! (dehydrates you less, actually).
  • Beer is cheaper
  • Beer is never aged the way wine can be. This means that beer is more Eco-friendly. It also means that one excellent brew can easily be replicated over and over.
  • Beer is refreshing and has bubbles. The head is the best part. (on that note, NEVER pour your beer ‘on the diaganol’ to avoid getting a head on the beer. That foam is beautiful, fun and delicious! ‘Irritating’ the beer helps the flavor come out.
  • Beer is chock full of phytoestrogens. I’ll toast to anything that will tone down your raging testosterone. Frankly women are awesome, and most men would be better people if they had more estrogen in them 😉

So please. Do me a favor and don’t act all high and mighty because you drink wine with dinner and I drink beer. They’re both delicious, and we’re both on the road to alcoholism.

My favorite beer! Mmm, wheaty

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5 Responses to Hopsy Goodness

  1. The reason why I avoid beer is that it produces gases and then I have to make efforts to . . . I’m not sure how to put this politely . . . retain said gases. Wine never has this effect, so maybe that’s why it’s easier to remain elegant while drinking wine.

  2. Beer is beautiful 😀

  3. twindaddy says:

    I don’t really care for either. Give me whiskey, dammit!

  4. haha the stereotypes made me laugh 🙂
    what would say is vodka?

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