Quarter life crisis

Sorry I haven’t hit you in a while wordpress. I started a bunch of different blog posts regarding the most pressing matter in my life right now, but I’ve never had the heart to post them. I’m going through a crippling quarter life crisis, and basically can’t stop worrying about a whole host of different things.

The ‘quarter life crisis’ is composed of the unsettling emotions and realizations that come with ‘living in the real world’ for the first time. Here are a few of the specific issues according to the wikipedia page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis

  • confronting one’s own mortality
  • insecurity concerning ability to love oneself, let alone another person
  • insecurity regarding present accomplishments
  • disappointment with one’s job
  • boredom with social interactions
  • financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unexpectedly high cost of living)
  • a sense that others are doing better than oneself
  • frustration with social skills

I could write for miles on each one of these bullets and how these worries have affected my life, but I’ll spare you my angsty pain .. for now.

In all fairness, the quarterlife crisis may just be a euphemism for plain old textbook definition depression in my case, but it doesn’t really matter what the hell you call it.

I’ve hit the crisis a little bit early because I’ve been working full time at an 8 to 5 job that I absolutely hate. The most difficult part is that working a shitty job is the only permanent part of my life I’ve ever experienced. This is what I will be doing until I die. Every day. 

Yes, yes not every job is shitty. I know people have jobs that don’t make them feel utterly useless and miserable. Unfortunately, no one in my office is shows me otherwise. Part of the crisis is caused by worrying what job I can do that won’t make me feel awful all the damn time.

And I’ve heard plenty of bullshit about this from both sides. One too optimistic: Do what you love!! Find your passion!

Sorry, but for the vast vast vast majority of people, their job is not their love in life. And that’s just fine. Not the vast vast vast majority of people are miserable…right?

Anyway, I really think the chances that you enjoy your career nearly as much as your life outside of your job are slim to none. People that love their jobs more than their families are scary anyway. Who wants to be married to the guy that turns down a home cooked meal and a blow job because he’s having just a grand old time at the office. Not me. Especially because that grand old time is probably with his secretary, not with his work, because people that LOVE their jobs don’t exist.

On the other hand, I’ve heard people say that you don’t really need to like your job. Do your passion at night!

Well, I hate to break it to you, but by the time I’m home and have cooked and eaten dinner its around 7:30ish. Throw in a shower and a phone call to the boyfriend and its time to go to bed. Not a lot of time to build my model airplanes, huh?

If you really hate your job, guess what. You really hate your life because that’s what you spend most of your life doing. So I think it is really important to like your job. I don’t expect my job to be my soul mate and sole purpose on earth, but I really want to like it.

I’ve been torn between about four paths since middle school.

  1. Doctor: I’ve always been strong in biology and the other sciences, and I can see myself doing gritty blood and guts work. I thrive in a conflict and stress heavy environment. I don’t exactly love people, especially old people, retards, and children.
  2. Lawyer: Both my parents are lawyers. It’s like an office job except with more conflict, and possibly exciting courtroom work.
  3. Writer: I’d love to just write novels for a living, but I also like food and shelter.
  4. Academic: I study Philosophy in school. I love it, but the job prospects are pretty fucking awful.

As of right now I’m leaning towards the Doctor. But oh wait. I haven’t taken chemistry or volunteered at planned parenthood or any of that shit. Luckily I can get a postbac. I love school, so that’s not a huge problem, but it will be quite painful on the bank account.

People have discouraged me from being a doctor because I’m not the most personable bitch in the world. In fact, it seems like I don’t like people much at all.
Well. I find many people irritating. But I really am fascinated by the human body. Visiting a doctor ten years ago may have involved a lot of small talk, but that’s changing in an effort to increase efficiency. And let’s face it. Who really cares if a doctor is a brilliant conversationalist anyway? Nobody.

For example, my dermatologist is renowned as one of the best in the country.  She has to beat patients away with a stick. And the kicker is she doesn’t accept insurance. She makes you pay sticker price, cash or check only, and then you have to deal with your insurance company if you want a rebate.

But she’s a bitch. She’s harsh and very short with people. If you start making small talk, she’ll shush you so she can concentrate. But everyone sees her because she’s the one that can catch your cancer, and can tell you what sunscreen to buy and can give you the best deets on the latest facial injections.

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5 Responses to Quarter life crisis

  1. Lizz says:

    Did you ever see the show Quarterlife a few years back? It didn’t go very far, but the beginning of this made me think of that.
    Also, you said 5 paths. Did I miss one? #confused

  2. Abhra says:

    ^Oh, someone’s been counting.
    Anyway, I think Coldplay love their job. Not my words; they said so.

  3. jpothen says:

    But is a quarter-life crisis better than a mid-life crisis?

  4. Rachel says:

    I really appreciated your post. When I started reading it, I started to laugh because you promulgated every single question I’ve asked myself. I immediately related to your brutal and depressingly honest assessments of the world, and the delima those assessments create when trying to figure out what the hell you’re going to do with the rest of your life. It’s so difficult to be faced with the “rest of your life,” and the fact that every choice you make at this point, as a twenty-something-year-old (especially if you’re female), will have a major impact on the outcome of your future. It’s a paralyzing and disturbing thought.

    After reading your list of potential career choices, I think you should become a writer. Your bitchiness would serve you well in this field because it comes off as genuine and strangely personable. I like your style.

    Thank you for your honesty.

  5. Darque says:

    You know what’s the worst feeling ever? When you’re stuck in a meeting with your boss and coworkers, and the weight of how much you hate your job crashes down on you. It makes it hard to get back to work, let alone take anyone else at your job seriously. Yet, you need to continue to smile and nod, and pay attention, and continue on with the absurdity of “making widgets”.

    Regarding jobs, I want to do what I love as well. For some reason, simply settling for “what i like” – a job with decent pay, flexible hours, and good coworkers – seems like the process of selling out. Do people suffer more from unrealistic expectations and “dreams”, or is it the process of giving up on those dreams that is more crushing? That’s a question that I struggle with.

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